Category: Spiritual and Personal Development

I continue to be captivated by the Thai boys soccer team ordeal. Partly, it’s because as a slightly claustrophobic person I can’t think of much that would be harder to endure than being trapped miles underground in narrow flooded tunnels. Partly, it’s because it’s another of those extraordinary events that show just how amazing human intention and endeavor really can be. It’s also an example that there is Good to be found, somewhere, in virtually every dark situation.

One aspect of the good from this one is that, even if only for a few moments, it turned the world’s attention to meditation. The young coach, who was the leader and only adult with the twelve boys, had studied as a monk and has deep meditation experience. Apparently he used meditation to help the boys maintain sanity and hope while trapped for days on end in a tiny pocket of air in a flooded underground cave system. Wow. Just flat wow.

Some of you have heard me say before that meditation was likely one of the things that saved my life when things blew to pieces a few years ago. I’d practiced regularly for years before the crisis hit and that experience gave me some capacity to wrestle my mind away from the continuous loop of fear, guilt and humiliating memories. You can hear more about that in my recent TEDx talk (If you haven’t viewed it yet I’d sure appreciate it if you would).

I now tell my clients that if they don’t have a meditation practice underway, start yesterday! It adds immeasurably to our ability to be resilient during hardship (e.g. staying calm trapped underground for 18 days. Pretty much enough said!). It also heightens our ability to make clear and tough decisions that can help us survive and succeed.

And that’s not all. Not only does meditation help us navigate the hard times it also adds meaning, depth and beauty to the good times. As part of my process of recovery and reinvention I studied the mental and emotional habits and practices of people who were successful, making a big positive impact on the world and also seemed to be living mostly peaceful, dialed-in lives. Virtually every one of them practiced meditation regularly.

I can tell you for sure that if you are in the process of reinvention, whether of career, relationships or your own personal identity, meditation is a powerful tool to help clear away the clutter, find clarity and truly figure out what it is you want from the next phase of your life.

Starting a regular meditation practice doesn’t’ have to be complicated or terribly time consuming. One useful resource is the book Meditation for Dummies, it offers samplings of many different types of meditations and some of the science and stories behind each. Although the book is named that for obvious marketing reasons, I call my meditation classes Meditation for Smarties because smart people do it and doing it makes us smarter! My e-booklet, Reinvention Doesn’t Have to Be Scary, offers a couple simple ways to come into the now and redirect a spinning, wound up mind – these are key aspects and benefits of meditation. You can get a copy on my online store here.

Not starting a regular meditation practice is like having a magical potion that will give you peace and success and then deciding not to drink it! What are you waiting for?   In the time it takes you to put your clothes on in the morning you can begin to clothe your mind in peace, relief and clear direction.

Here’s to a more peaceful, empowered YOU.

Cylvia

 

P.S. I also offer gentle one on one meditation coaching sessions to help people figure out the best type of meditation for what they are looking to accomplish and get started doing it, gently. If interested in scheduling a session submit a request here. I would love to help you get started with this life changing practice.

Fear is one of our universally shared human experiences. We all deal with it. It’s also one of the most difficult emotions to cope with.

Fear likely originally developed as a survival mechanism to help alert us to a stalking saber-toothed tiger or some such. It’s still useful for getting us think twice about jumping off a cliff or driving like a wild woman.

However, in modern life most of our fear isn’t about physical survival. It’s about things like:

• I don’t have enough money in my checking account.
• What if he leaves me?
• What if she disapproves of me?

Over the past few years, as I’ve been navigating so much uncertainty, I’ve faced all of the above in spades. It’s really been something of a doctoral program in fear management. And I’ve learned some really important things about fear and ways to move beyond it.

First, most of the chronic day to day fear we accept as the normal backdrop is not only toxic to our health but also TOTALLY UNNECESSARY!

In the first many, many weeks of life blowing up my fear was so extreme it was a tangible entity, a beast.

• What was the latest news story saying?
• What is going to happen with my work?
• How could I survive this financially?
• Was the person I loved most in the world going to leave me?

At times it was so intense that even my sweat smelled different, ranker than normal.

And guess what? None of that happened! Yes, it was horrific. Yes, I’m still facing challenges getting through all of it. But my career isn’t destroyed. John and I are still together. Actually our family is healthier than ever. And to this day not one person has been ugly to my face – all the nastiness has been anonymous or behind the protection of a computer screen or media institution.

This has been so mind-blowingly powerful. I have spent so much of my life in fear of some dreaded imagined future outcome and NONE of them ever happened! All the big stuff that hit – the blown knee, my sister’s death, the public character assassination, family members getting into rough spots – I hadn’t even seen those coming!

The truth is, other than real, in the moment survival, like a war zone or, “Oh shit there’s a rattlesnake!” most fear is totally unwarranted and a whole lot of it is driven by our desire for other people’s approval.

Mark Twain said, “I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles but most of them never happened.”

It’s worth considering what fears right now, are clenching your guts, keeping you up at night? And are they really necessary? And what are they stopping you from doing?

And, very importantly, WHAT THE HECK CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?!

The single most effective tool I’ve found for breaking free from chronic fear is learning to practice BEING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. The simple fact is unless we train ourselves differently, most of us spend the bulk of our lives focused on the past or the future, often in fear. Right now you may be facing a lot of unknowns, worry, angst. But ask yourself this, right now in this very moment are you basically OK? Are you right now, under direct attack? Do you have shelter and food? Are you breathing? If you have time to read this sentence your answer is almost certainly yes!

Practicing becoming aware of the present moment, over and over again, is a powerful tool for taking the reins back from fear and getting clear about which ones are just about some future imagined outcome (those you should just let go of) and which really merit action on your part. I guarantee that learning to do this on a regular basis will change your life for the better.

Here’s a simple exercise.

• Sit down with feet firmly, comfortably on the floor
• Just start noticing things with your five senses. The feel of the chair beneath you. The sounds. What do you see right in front of you above the computer screen? To your left? Right?
• Take a deep breath. Is there a breeze? Is it still? Can you smell anything?
• Touch the skin on the back of your hand. Notice the sensation.
• If thoughts come in just bring your attention back to the things your senses are picking up in this one moment in time.
• Find one thing in this moment and this setting that you feel grateful for.
• Smile a little.
• Rinse and Repeat as often as possible throughout the day even for just a few seconds.

The way to free yourself from unnecessary fear is in the PRESENT MOMENT, the Here and NOW.

To Peace, Fearlessness and Freedom!

Cylvia

P.S. I also highly recommend reading The Power of Now, by Eckert Tolle.

 

If you are interested in scheduling a session to find freedom from fear fill out the inquiry form here: https://www.cylviahayes.net/coaching/

#Empowerment #CylviaHayes #ResiliencyMuscles

I always believed I’d do a TED talk, but I never could have guessed it would be on the topic I wound up addressing and I certainly hadn’t envisioned being on stage in a CLUNKY BROKEN LEG BOOT!

Since my talk was about the power and liberation in learning to take back the reins from Ego’s smallness and fear, the clunky boot became part of the story because, although I didn’t see it at the time, I actually broke my leg doing something I wasn’t comfortable with in an attempt to impress someone.

However, there is another really powerful part of the story that I didn’t share in the talk that I want to share with you now. Warning, it is a little bit graphic.

One of the most powerful, life-changing new habits I’ve learned over the past few years is to pause before I judge or react to a situation. Sometimes this is little stuff, like when someone cancels an appointment at the last minute. My first reaction might be to get irritated and feel like they aren’t valuing my time. However, almost every time when I take a step back all it really means is that I have the luxury of a little unexpected freed up time.

Sometimes the situation is a much bigger deal. The recent broken leg is one of the most powerful examples I’ve experienced.

The horse scrambled up off of me. I was face down in the dirt. Even though totally disoriented I immediately sensed something was seriously damaged. I don’t even remember rolling over, sitting up and looking down at my legs. “Oh God, on no.” My left foot was bent out at a ghastly 90 degree angle and I could see where the shin bone was trying to poke through the skin just above the ankle.

This wasn’t my first rodeo with a serious orthopedic injury and I knew the pain was about to get really, really bad. I couldn’t believe I was seriously injured again!

My mind started down the path of, “Oh man, I can’t afford this. I can’t afford it financially, or the time off, or the disruption to everything I need to do.”

And then, using new tools honed over the past couple of years, I shifted. I made the choice not to judge. I opened up to, “Maybe there is a different way to look at this. Maybe this is happening for me and not just to me.”

Then I shifted further to, “What do I want the outcome of this to be?”

• I want to be able to walk again.
• I want this to increase my spiritual awakening.
• I want it to empower my work.
• I want to have beautiful encounters with everyone I interact with in dealing with this.

And then the pain hit and there was no more thinking, just writhing, gasping, trying to keep breathing.

There’s a lot more to the whole story. Having the leg set in the emergency room and having that orthopedic surgeon say, “Wow. Oh my goodness,” when he saw the X-ray.  Being handed over to a “Trauma Expert” surgeon.  Having the trauma team use 12 screws and two plates to piece back together 20+ bone fragments. The terrible pain. Blah, blah, blah.

The BIGGER part of the story by far is the MIRACLES the situation delivered because of the lens I put on it. I had incredible care from ambulance, emergency room, surgeons, nurses, therapists – I had deep conversations with some of them. I opened up and asked for help (a big, new thing for me) and had dozens of people bring me food, run errands, even clean my house while I was healing. The insurance companies stepped up to cover far more of the costs than I had expected. I am healing weeks ahead of schedule. I had more down time to really work on my TED talk than I’d expected and, man oh man, I needed every minute!  And of course, as noted above I was even able to use the story and my broken leg boot to good effect in the talk.

There is huge power in learning to release our reactionary attitudinal grip on any situation. STAYING OPEN TO POSSIBLE POSITIVE OUTCOMES MAKES THOSE OUTCOMES POSSIBLE!  Read that one again.

My encouragement to you is to learn the art of taking a step back before judging any situation as good or bad. You have the awesome ability to disconnect your state of being from the circumstances swirling in your life.

If you’d like some help with this just let me know.

Happy weekend!

Cylvia

#CylviaHayes  #ResiliencyMuscles  #EmpowermentCoach