Crisis or Awakening?

Are you at that mystifying place called mid-life wondering how the heck you got here and what’s next? Maybe you’re facing some unexpected challenges or just wanting to have more of a sense of purpose and direction. Maybe there’s an urge to hit the reset button.

It might not feel like it but I promise you if you are facing major transition and challenges at this particular turning point in life you are sitting on a gold mine of possibility and potential.

I was devastated and freaked out when my life and career blew up in seeming catastrophic fashion in my late 40s. It felt like everything I’d worked for was destroyed and the best was behind me. Well, believe me, I am thrilled to report that I couldn’t have been more wrong! My unasked for life reset opened up whole new pathways to understanding, self-forgiveness and peace that utterly transformed my way of being in the world and with myself. My crisis turned out to be a mid-life awakening and it was the best gift I never imagined!

Here’s one thing I know, surviving, overcoming and thriving isn’t so much about analyzing and hustling gathering information as it is about remembering what we already know; it’s about coming home. There is no need to become better or more or different; all you need is to remember who you already are.

Here are a few tips for mastering mid-life transition:

  • Learn to question and manage fear.

Mark Twain once said, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” The simple truth is we tend to harbor a lot of fear about future “what ifs?” that may not even come to pass. Learning to release unproductive fear is a key to empowered transition.

  • Do a Can and Can’t Control exercise.

The secret to success and happiness is knowing that there are some things you can control and some things you cannot. Think about the situation or issue you are concerned about and make a list of what you can control and what you can’t. Spend your effort on things you can control and let the rest go.

Most importantly remember, you are more than a body. You are more than a job, a title, a financial status, a role. You are more than you know. You have a choice to make. Every single moment holds the opportunity of rebirth, no matter what is swirling through the circumstances of your life just now.

It’s a damn shame that in our culture there is no mid-life rite of passage and celebration. I mean for goodness sake it’s a big deal making it through early adulthood and getting some seasoning and wisdom under our belts! But we don’t even have a way of pausing for breath and celebrating our success in getting this far.

I encourage you to do that right now. Take a breath. Give yourself a moment to appreciate all that you’ve accomplished up to this point. And remember, in so many powerful ways you are just getting started. After all, in any really great play all the best stuff happens after the intermission!

Something powerful is happening to you because you have something powerful to do.

With love,

Cylvia

 

If you’d like some support launching the next awesome chapter of your life I would be more than happy to talk with you. You can schedule a complimentary Mid-Life Mastery Breakthrough session here.

You’re Invited to Your Own Power!

Are you wanting more from your life? Looking to hit the reset button after life took a hard turn you hadn’t seen coming? Do you want to start or grow a mission-driven business? Do you want to get unstuck, period?

Then I invite you to join me at my upcoming reinvention and empowerment workshop. This is not your typical self-help workshop. Most personal development stuff is about trying to improve yourself, get rid of aspects you don’t like, overcome shortcomings. The problem is, that’s a scarcity-based approach and it just reinforces the message that you’re not good enough! It’s exactly the opposite of what we need to achieve more peace, power and success in our lives.

I learned this the hard way. I know exactly what it’s like to have life as you know it blow to pieces and find yourself reinventing career, relationships and even your basic personal identity at a time you never thought you’d need to. Several years ago, my career and life had reached heights I hadn’t dreamed of and then it all blew apart in a spectacular, public, “fall from grace”. I lost my business and ninety-percent of people I’d called friends or colleagues and, faced with all the legal challenges, I had to file bankruptcy.

At first I was terrified that my life might be broken beyond repair. For once I couldn’t just force my way forward and so, out of pure survival, I decided to treat it as an unasked for sabbatical. For the first time I truly surrendered and faced myself from the inside out and through that epic journey I realized up to that point I’d never really known myself at all, I had never before met my authentic Self.

For four years, as the legal challenges dragged on, I followed a path of study, reflection, growth and reinvention. I got certified as a life coach, completed the first chunk of ministerial school, and received training from numerous beautiful wisdom teachers. I realized that my whole life I’d been seeking power and success from outside sources – the approval of others, the way my business looked, even from the political arena — but the refining fires of life blowing to shreds burned away the BS that had been blocking me from my True Self and genuine power.

I developed a program that not only helped me heal but transformed my life in beautiful ways I never could have foreseen. I am now, happier, more peaceful, more successful and making a bigger positive difference than ever before. I radically reshaped my business because I knew I had to harness the trauma I’d been through and share the empowerment tools, strategies and insights I’d learned so that I could help more people make a bigger positive impact for themselves and our world.

I am deeply committed to helping others rediscover their authentic Selves, reclaim personal power and create lives and businesses that help heal our world. My empowered reinvention workshops are one way I do that and I would love to see you in the next one coming up Feb. 2nd.

In this workshop you’ll learn tried and true strategies to uncover your innate ability to:

  • Transform fear into clarity and a sense of empowerment
  • Find peace no matter what’s swirling in the circumstances of life
  • Embrace the awesome creative power of change and uncertainty
  • Find forgiveness, even of self
  • Develop a sense of genuine self-worth and safety

And the biggest outcome is learning to remember your own divine magnificence and get out of your own bad-ass True Self way!  

The path to power isn’t about looking outside for answers and authorities, trying to “fix” yourself, fill up places you perceive as empty, or even “attract” desirable things. The power is in remembering who you really are.

Let’s do that together February 2nd! Let’s make 2019 the best year of your life so far!

For more info and to register go to www.cylviahayes.net (go to Store tab and you will see the link there)

Here’s what some people had to say about the last workshop.

“It was a wonderful day …. I loved being a participant … your cloud of magical learning and how profound your teachings are. In gratitude for your sharing of your authentic self. – Tam

Thank you for the wonderful experience. It was truly fantastic, and really beneficial to me.  I’m definitely at a crossroads in my life, and a lot of things are up in the air.  I’m in need of finding the path that’s right for me, and in the process, am definitely working through a lot. Our class was right in line with that, and helped me immensely … Again, I thank you for this. – Maggie

You Wow’d me … workshop was amazing!I learned why I have been so withdrawn and lacking motivation. I also learned to get free of limiting thoughts, quit being so hard on myself, and embrace my new beautiful life even more. I so appreciate your workshop. – LD Sullivan

Designing the life you want isn’t about becoming more or better, it’s about remembering who you really are to begin with.  Remembering your True Self enables you to master your emotions, step out of suffering and into the life you really want – no matter the circumstances you’re facing right this moment.

True power is not outside of you and you are already magnificent, powerful and completely capable.

Date: February 2, 10am to 3pm

Location:  Unity Community at One World Center, Bend Oregon 

Register at: www.cylviahayes.net (go to Store tab and you will see the link there)

Reframing Loss

Would you lose the ability to crawl to be able to fly?

We are not what we have lost. We are not what has been torn from us. We are not broken beyond repair. Ever.  When it all blows up we still are everything we were before. We might not still have what we had, the positions, the money, the athletic body, the children, loved ones, but we still are the culmination of experiences, talents, current and former abilities that make us uniquely us.

Life is flow – and ebb. It comes and goes and comes again. In loss there is always opportunity for new gain. Sometimes when we stop clinging so hard to the old and familiar we are gifted with new and incredible we couldn’t have imagined.

The lifecycle of the butterfly offers gorgeous guidance. The little caterpillar gets hit with an urge to change. Once it has wrapped itself inside a cocoon its body literally begins to disintegrate. At some point, new cells activate. They’re called imaginal cells. At first, the old caterpillar creature attacks them as foreign bodies but those attacks actually hasten the disintegration. Finally, at a point of maximum disintegration, the imaginal cells reach a critical mass and sort of wake up, recognize one another and realize they are no longer a worm, but instead a winged butterfly.

Our lives are like that too. We can stay folded in, wrapped in the cocoon of loss, fight against the changes, or we can unfurl with new depth and perspective and fly. The choice is always ours.

Being Deserving

In the self-help and personal development realm there are reams of info on the challenge of feeling like we aren’t good enough. I’ve read a lot of it and even written some of it but there’s a subtle yet very important distinction between “not good enough” and “not deserving goodness”.

I used to believe that one of my most challenging core issues was a sense of not being good enough. I was wrong. I know I’m really good at a lot of things, from writing and speaking, to supporting loved ones, to training my dog and rowing a raft through rapids. I’ve always known I was pretty darned good at many things.

I’ve lived an unconventional life. It’s been a rich ride already and I’ve been able to do and see some incredible things. But in the process I’ve made some choices and taken some actions that have had big painful consequences. And this life I’m living has also had a lot of uncertainty, adversity and upheaval. Recently I became aware of a thread of doubt that’s been playing, under my surface, for decades. It was a troubled, guilty feeling that no matter how good I was I didn’t really deserve the success I aspired to. I feared things had happened to me and I had made consequential choices that might not be surmountable. Maybe I’d screwed up once too many times. Maybe I’d really blown it by not taking some secure job years ago. Maybe I hadn’t sacrificed enough or the right things to deserve success.

I’ve had, and lost, a lot of accomplishments, accolades and positions. None of it, neither the having nor the losing, actually touched my subconscious sense of not deserving full-on success.  I’ve learned that no one outside ourselves can convince us we are worthy. That’s an inside job.

Being deserving isn’t about doing; it’s about being. Overcoming a sense of unworthiness doesn’t involve another promotion or award; it involves remembering who we really are beyond the human thicknesses of bodies, beliefs, regrets and comparison.

There is a deeper truth that each of us are far more, and far more beautiful and magnificent, than what shows up in these human forms. Our human aspects, like lightning, are illusions. It looks like the bolt of lightning comes down from the sky and smashes the tree. The truth is there is a little invisible leader bolt of energy that reaches down from sky to touch tree and when it does a tremendous flow of Earth’s energy courses up through the tree and the tiny bolt to pulse and crackle across an illumined sky.

We have the courage to take on this challenging human experience as part, but only part, of our evolution as spiritual beings. At the core we are so much more and absolutely deserving of all the goodness that lay before us. The universe knows that even if we don’t yet.

It’s not about Being Worthy; it’s about remembering we are Worthy just by Being.  Open up to remembering You.

 

Cylvia Hayes

#CylviaHayes  #Empowerment  #ChangeMaker

 

The Awesome Power of Unlearning

I used to be a competitive barrel racer. I’ve ridden dozens of charging horses through the cloverleaf pattern. Many horses, after running the pattern over and over again, would begin to anticipate each turn so much that they’d cut too soon, either smashing my shin into the metal rim or knocking the barrel over entirely, or both. Those horses had become so trained they’d become losers.

The only way to make them winners again was to “untrain” them. We’d go back to a walking pace and take the corners in different ways so they could unlearn what they thought they knew to do.

A few years back life nailed me hard and I found myself questioning, a lot, about a lot of things I thought I knew — myself, God, how life works. It was scary. I mean I’d spent decades forming my opinion of who I was, what I was, what my strengths and skills were, how to do things and get through life. Sitting in the question, “What if I’ve been wrong about it all?” was deeply disturbing, verging on a psychological or existential crisis.

Yet under the veneer of fear, was also curiosity, a little spark of excitement, a fragile thread of hope as I began brushing against the possibility that maybe I, and life itself, was actually far more than I’d believed.

The more I let go of the false security blanket of knowing based on the past and shaped by what this insane world puts forward as real, the more I began to experience Source, God, Holy Spirit and my Higher Self directly.

Allowing space and uncertainty for our minds to be untrained doesn’t mean we’re losing our minds! Just the opposite, it means, we’re starting to use more and more of our power and potential. Our True Norths – our deepest values and genuine loves — are still in place as our consciousness expands beyond the chains of old dogmas and programming. We don’t throw away old skill sets or talents; we just open up to use them more fully. We don’t lose our ability to make decisions; we give ourselves a chance to make better ones.

A Course In Miracles advises:

Simply do this: Be still, and lay aside all thoughts of what you are and what God is; all concepts you have learned about the world; all images you hold about yourself. Empty your mind of everything it thinks is either true or false, of good or bad, of every thought is judges worthy, and all the ideas of which it is ashamed. Hold onto nothing. Do not bring with you one thought the past has taught, nor one belief you ever learned before from anything. Forget this world … and come with wholly empty hands unto your God.

As we all strive to improve ourselves and our lives, we take in a lot of personal and professional development education and training. That’s all well, good and worthwhile, but I think it’s important to remember, that whether it’s winning at barrel racing or winning at life untraining is often the key.

One of the most powerful statements in the Universe is, “I do not know what this situation means, or what I really want from it, or even what I really am, but I am genuinely willing to deeply listen and to learn.”

And guess what?  Yoda agrees!

Here’s to emptying our minds so that they can be refilled, refreshed and re-empowered.

Cylvia Hayes

Put Some Clothes On!

Do you ever have one of those mornings when, before you’re even fully awake, you’re already feeling stressed? Maybe it’s too much on the “DO” list, or bills that have to be paid or a loved one that’s sick or in trouble, or  …. Believe me I GET IT!

Modern life might not involve outrunning velociraptors or saber-toothed tigers but overall it’s no less stressful. Modern life is complex.

So here’s a little hack that can save you hours and even whole days of unnecessary stress.

Put some CLOTHES ON … YOUR … MIND!

Just like we choose to (usually) put clothes on our bodies in the morning we can also choose to clothe our minds in positive thoughts.

Take a moment before you even get out of bed to think of several things you are grateful for – the warm covers, your partner’s breathing, the birds chirping outside, another day of being alive. For just a few moments rap yourself in the silken fabric of gratitude. I call this clothing my mind and it is ESPECIALLY HELPFUL when you’re facing challenging circumstances and need some help stopping the incessant and stressful Monkey Mind.

The thoughts you allow to run through your mind when you are first waking up set the tone for your entire day.

Our thoughts, to a HUGE extent, dictate our feelings and how the we experience the experiences of our lives. And we DO have a CHOICE about the thoughts we choose to focus on. If your thoughts are racing around or bouncing off of unpleasant imaginings and feelings, say to yourself, “Choose Again” and settle on a few things you’re grateful for. Feel your energy shift.

You can revisit this simple practice anytime throughout the day but those first few moments in the morning should never be missed.   Close your mind to fear and negativity and clothe it with gratitude and optimism. This wardrobe choice will be a gift to yourself and everyone you cross paths with.

Cylvia

If you’d like to get Weekly Tips and Inspirations straight to your inbox please subscribe for free at www.cylviahayes.net.

You can also SCHEDULE a FREE initial coaching consultation session with Cylvia at https://calendly.com/cylvia/30min.

Thanks and here’s to sporting beautiful wardrobes!

 

#CylviaHayes #Empowerment #ResiliencyMuscles

Who Do You think You Are, Really?

Here’s the video of my recent TEDx talk. I remember every step, from the moment my life blew up to taking the stage to share these experiences and learnings. The times my knees buckled in pain. The times I wasn’t sure I could handle what it was going to take to survive and reinvent. And, the incredible beautiful moments of recovery, expansion, my heart breaking open in between.

This is for all of you who’ve had one of those moments where you knew from one second to the next life was never going to be the same again and moving forward was going to be really hard. I’m here to tell you that not only can you make it but the challenge before you can be the greatest gift you’ve ever received.

PLEASE let me know what you think about this talk and please share it. Thank you so much. You’ve been on this journey with me and I cannot adequately express my gratitude.

Cylvia

https://youtu.be/uI3X9UAaU2U

Slaying the Giant of Limiting Beliefs

It may surprise you but I want to say thank you to the Oregonian newspaper. Without their 3½ years of ongoing attacks I would never have grown and deepened as I have, and am.

I truly would have been surprised if they hadn’t launched another one just on the eve of my TEDxBend talk. They did. And all it’s done is generate a flood of love and encouragement from friends and supporters all across the community. For that too I am grateful.

Someone just asked me if I felt like the Oregonian was my Goliath. I started to say yes and then realized that actually they were just a symptom of my real Goliath, and that is my (up until now) lifelong sense of not being good enough. That giant has caused me some real harm over the years. But in an amazing turn of events, the Oregonian’s nastiness has helped me find liberation. Now, each one of their attacks just becomes another stone in my sling helping me slay the giant of limiting self-beliefs.

As I’ll talk about on Saturday one of the huge upsides of these ongoing challenges has been learning that peace and empowerment is a choice and there are practical ways to grow our ability to stay above the battlefield and in joy despite the crap that might be swirling in the circumstances of day-to-day life.

What’s your Goliath? And what tools, however strangely or perversely disguised, can you use to bring him down?

Huge love to all of you for being there and showing kindness and support. I look forward to seeing a bunch of you this Saturday.

Love,

Cylvia

 

Light is What Transforms Darkness

I lead a regular Course in Miracles study group. Today we did something unusual — instead of studying and discussing the text, we watched the movie, I Am.

There could have been no better way to observe Martin Luther King Day. We hadn’t planned it that way; our group always meets on Mondays. This was one of those beautiful, meaningful synchronicities that happen all the time, even when we don’t notice them.

This day, celebrating a great leader in the movement toward equality, freedom, civil rights and civility, makes even starker our current ugly and divided political and cultural climate. The fact that the divisiveness and othering is being encouraged and amplified by a president who repeatedly demonstrates racism and sexism is beyond the pale.

The movie, I Am, covers the scientific evidence that we are all connected — literally, physically connected at the quantum level. It shows how our misled belief in separation and aloneness harms us on many levels. Along with the science it covers the ideas and words of many of our wisest historical leaders. Martin Luther King is featured.

King’s message of using love to transform hate and honoring the fact that we’re more alike than separate is so profound and so timely. Famously he said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Importantly, the movie also covers scientific evidence that basic human nature is not competition, us versus them and purely survival of the fittest, but is actually cooperation and caring for one another. Primates (including humans) have unique neural systems that include mirror neurons and Vagas nerves that make us hard-wired for compassion. Pull this together and it means that cooperation, compassion and empathy are survival strategies for our species.

As King said, “We must live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

And, “Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.” … “We have before us the glorious opportunity to inject a new dimension of love into the veins of our civilization.”

Amen.

We must focus on the love, not the hate, if we want to shift our destructive trajectory and heal the sickness in our cultural consciousness.

As a next step I strongly encourage you to watch I Am.

Please share this post on Facebook.  Thank you.

#CylviaHayes

Make the Best Year of Your Life — Giving is Getting

In honor of our soon-to-be-born New Year I wanted to share a powerful new way I’ve just discovered for setting goals and

My 2018 Vision Board — Giving is Getting

intentions.

you ever done a Vision/ Intentions board? Lot’s of highly effective people do. They are a great way of setting goals in a more imaginative, creative way. It’s all about getting focused on what you really want and then getting out of the old linear, left-brain mode into creative right brain activity.

Usually when doing a Vision Board you spend some time thinking about what you want to accomplish or obtain and then you rifle through magazines, or online pics and find ones that resonate and glue them to a poster board, or you write words or draw images on the board. In whatever way best suits you create a visual representation of what you want to accomplish.

Well just a few days ago, I was inspired to a whole new way to do Vision Boards that sets the intentions at a much more powerful energy level.

I started out as usual, getting quiet, thinking about what I really wanted to accomplish and attract in the coming year – increase my income, have my book become a bestseller.

Why’d I want those things?

  • More money? Well, the obvious answer was I wanted less financial stress, a greater feeling of security.
  • My book becoming a bestseller? Obviously, a whole lot of sales would be great.

But there was something deeper and before I started gluing images and words on my poster board I spent some time really meditating on what it was I was really after. At a deeper level, I want to increase my income because:

  • A year from now I’ll be providing a home for a young family member of mine who will need some help getting established and I want to be able to help in a substantial way.
  • Deeper still I want to be able to make my maximum contribution in my work to slow climate change and bring healing and restoration to Nature. I want to be fully resourced so that I can do my best work on behalf of this planet that I love.

The deeper reason for my book?

  • I’ve been through something extraordinary the past few years and I want to harness those experiences to help people heal, recover and reinvent after adversity, loss and shame. A bestselling book helps me help others who I never could have reached otherwise.

So, it turns out, my deepest intentions weren’t even about what I wanted to get; they were all about what I wanted to give!

And so I set about making a Contributions Vision Board. At the top are the biggies that I want to contribute in this coming year. Underneath are images and words that capture the feelings related to those contributions and below that are the material goals that will fuel those contributions. Of all the boards I’ve created over the years this is BY FAR the one I feel most attached to and most empowered by.

I am a little shy about offering a picture here, since Vision Boards are very personal but here you go.

As we all move forward into a new year my prayer for each of you is that you find clarity of intention and the means to accomplish your deepest goals. And remember GIVING is always GETTING. You gift to others and the world is always a gift to yourself.

Happy New Year! Let’s make 2018 the best year of our lives so far!

 

If you love this post please share it on Facebook.  Thank you!

#CylviaHayes  #ResiliencyMuscles