Coming Full Spiral

Have you heard the term coming “full circle”? Well I don’t like it! Full Spiral is so much better because we don’t ever come back to exactly the same place we were before. Even when we’re repeating experiences or patterns of behavior we are not in exactly the same place. As spiritual beings we are always evolving and shifting even while doing things we have done many times before. We may be circling back around to something familiar but we are at a different level of consciousness and priority.

This is especially true when we’ve been through really intense, life-changing experiences. This past weekend John and I went to the Ashland Shakespeare Festival for the first time in just over a decade. We met some old friends there who hadn’t seen us since we came out the other side of our multi-year series of big challenges. As a group we used to get together in Ashland every year in July.  It was so curious to note what felt similar, what felt new, what was no longer interesting and what newly so.

Even the things that stand the big tests are changed. I am immeasurably grateful that my relationship with John made it through. It’s different. There’s a little sadness for the suffering we saw in one another. It’s much deeper. There’s a level of empathy we couldn’t have known and respect for qualities we’d never before shown.

Those Full Spiral moments, when you reenter an old arena after major loss, change and transition, are powerful opportunities to get a sense of just how much you’ve changed and grown. Sometimes you lay new memories down over certain places and events. Sometimes you realize old familiar places and people no longer hold your interest. Sometimes you look upon one who has been through the fire with you and see them as older, more scarred and immeasurably more beautiful.

Through all of it, the letting go, the going deeper, you spiral a little higher and step into the new you. An evolving spirit on a sacred spiral journey.

Us in 2004
Us many years later

This is John and me the very first time we did the Ashland trip and this is us many, many years later.  Not as young and shiny but a little the better for wear I’d say.

Have you had a Full Spiral, reentering the arena moment?  I would love to hear about it.

Peace,

Cylvia

It’s Your Time to Jump

Check out this video! I love this. This is all about not waiting another moment to make your dreams come true.

Basically this is saying a fundamental truth — we all have a gift. And unless we unwrap that gift, we will take it to the grave with us. And being someone who has taken the chance and jumped into her gifts (more than once!), I can tell you it’s worth it.

This is an especially powerful message if you’re at a place in which you’re choosing, or life is forcing you, to change course and to reinvent.

Unless you jump, you will never know all that’s inside you just waiting to be expressed and make that difference that you hunger to make. And I can tell you this from personal experience, there really is a parachute!

As scary as jumping is, sometimes the most dangerous thing can do is choose not to. Are you at a precipice? This is your time to start making your big dream come true.

So tell me, if you’re on the edge of jumping…what’s holding you back? Reply to this email. I want to know.

I specialize in reinventions and transitions, and well, jumping! I’d be happy to talk with you about your launch. You can schedule a free appointment here — https://www.cylviahayes.net/c

oaching/

(just click the “Book Free Session” button).

Talk soon,

Cylvia

Expect Miracles. Why Not?!

Are you facing uncertainty? Struggling with financial challenges? Are you mired down in situations that seem totally out of your control?

A while back I realized a situation I believed was beyond my control actually wasn’t. When I looked at it from a different angle I saw that I had options to step out of a “battlefield” I’d been attached to for several years. Doing so required a serious financial hit and uncertainty, but it felt right.

It took every tool I’d learned and skill I’d honed to stay above the financial fear and uncertainty. Each time I’d find my mind spinning off in fear I’d just say “Choose Again”, over and over and over. Then I’d pick three things I was grateful for and say “Thank You” out loud. With discipline I stayed open to the possibility that every last bit of it, even the stuff that felt wildly uncomfortable, was actually positive, was happening FOR me, not to me.

Well, guess what?! Sitting there in deep uncertainty I was offered the gift of a week on the island of Zakynthos Greece, everything paid for! WHAT?!!

I was invited to be part of the faculty in a program exploring how developing our consciousness effects the work we do to grow socially useful businesses and solve the big problems the world is facing. WHAT?!!!   This is exactly the aspect of my career that is currently hatching!

The event organizers had watched my recent TEDx talk and that, along with my long background in social enterprise, was what prompted the invitation.

It seemed a little crazy to go to Greece given what I was dealing with at home, but it felt right. Sort of like all expenses paid manna from heaven. So I took the leap and left even before all the travel arrangements were fully nailed down. I didn’t really know what to expect so I chose to expect miracles.

AND ….

  • On the long flight over the ocean I somehow got a seat with extra legroom and tray space, which I put to good use writing several breakthroughs I had on the book I’m working on
  • Taxi drivers chose not to charge me anything — given the language barrier I never did understand why
  • My talk touched hearts and minds
  • Another faculty member provided exactly the info and insight I needed for the next section of my book project
  • On the flight home I had an entire row with extra legroom, and free drinks all to myself!

So here’s my suggestion. If you don’t know what to expect, EXPECT MIRACLES! Why not? You can imagine the worst or you can stay open to the possibility that things are going to turn out better than you could even imagine. Why not?

The lens you put on the things that happen in your life shape your reality far more than the happenings themselves.

Expect miracles, see all the things you have to be grateful for, choose. You have more power than you know.

Cylvia

#CylviaHayes  #Empowerment

Yes DO Deny It!

Denial is a powerful tool

Are you working through some big challenges just now? Has life smacked you right off your feet? Does what’s before you look big, tough, overwhelming? Well it might be time for a little well-placed denial.

Denial gets a bad rap in pop culture and psychology. It’s usually used to say someone isn’t facing reality. I’ve a whole new powerful take on denial. It’s about looking at the situation in front of you, taking control of your thoughts and choosing not to give the challenge more power than it really has. The more we feed into the seeming problem the bigger it appears. Denial can cut it back down to size.

I’ll give a couple of examples that I am personally dealing with right now. I’m going through some significant financial issues and it’s easy to slip into a lot of uncertainty and insecurity around it. However, when I really look at the situation, yes, I have some income and cash flow challenges and the remnants of some big legal proceedings, but I ALSO have a tremendous amount of actual resources flowing to me – supportive people, new business opportunities, paid business travel.

So, each time I start getting wrapped up in worry I just gently deny the fear with, “The illusion of scarcity has no power in my life.”

This helps me stay calm and focused on the tasks that need to be done to actually deal with the financial issues.

A powerful one, two punch is to follow a focused denial with an empowered affirmation statement. I am working with, “Resources of all kinds flow to me in joyful abundance. I am a powerful prosperity generation and distribution center.”

This isn’t just about positive thinking, it’s about disciplined thinking. It’s about flipping our focus and staying open to the much broader perspectives that always surround challenging situations.

Here’s another example. A business colleague of mine is being unreliable and failing to deliver on some important projects. I have a lot riding on this work and can easily feel out of control and fearful not being able to get a response from this person. However, the broader truth is this person isn’t responsible for my success. So when I start to feel those stress spikes I state, “ My friend’s unreliable behavior cannot harm me.” And, because I genuinely care for this person and know that some of the behavior is because they are having their own life challenges right now, I affirm, “The love and positive intention behind this work and our relationship ensures a positive outcome for both of us.” Next time, I may choose a different business arrangement but for now there is nothing to lose by staying focused on the intended outcome and waiting for the response to my attempts to communicate.

Our minds, what we focus on and how we frame our thoughts absolutely dictate our reality. Thoughts trigger feelings (and vice versa) which means even if they don’t create the circumstances of our lives, they definitely DO create how we experience those circumstances. You literally HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE YOUR EXPERIENCES in life! Let that sink in.

Your past has no power over you.

Old traumas have no power over you.

Attackers, abusers, abandoners and bullies have no power over you.

You are on an epic journey through some tough stuff. In all great struggles the hero faces a point in which she can either run away or face the villain and say, “You are not all that! You are not more powerful than I am.” Now THAT is a powerful denial.

You are more powerful than you realize. You got this.

Cylvia

 

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#CylviaHayes #Empowerment #ResiliencyMuscles

How to Find Spiritual Freedom and Empowerment

I have always been a spiritual seeker. But I became a religious rebel.

You see the problem was, from my earliest memories, I had a real sense of the Divine — in Nature, in life and even a little bit in myself. But I was immersed in a dogma that beat it right out of me (figuratively and literally).

The notion that we ought to praise and fear some “Out there God-Being, watching over us waiting to punish or reward based on our behavior that day” was pretty awful and terrifying.

Thank GOD I couldn’t just go along with it!

There is a much more peaceful and empowered approach to living the truth that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Here are a few of the most powerful dogma-flips:

  • God is not a human-like being “out there” somewhere. God/ Source/ Creator is life, is a principle. It is everywhere, in everything, including in you. You are literally an extension of God and all the creative force, power and beauty that is God is also You.
  • God doesn’t reward or punish. We punish ourselves by choosing against peace and by choosing to believe we have no power over our emotions. You can get pissed off at the guy who just cut you off in traffic if you like. You can waste those moments in anger and frustration. Or you can spend those moments in peace and warmth. That’s your choice. Just give it a try – try letting something formerly irritating slide off. Just try it out as an experiment. After all you can always choose to go back to your old, irritable, fuming ways! It’s YOUR CHOICE. ALWAYS!
  • There is nothing wrong with having desires, with wanting more. God doesn’t require “sacrifice”. The key is getting clear about what it is we truly want. I don’t believe we just want more stuff, more money for the sake of it. What we all want, more than anything else, whether we know it or not, is to awaken to who we truly are, to awaken to the power, and beauty and love that our consciousness sometimes brushes up against and then darts back from. Over a century ago, Dr. Harriet Emilie Cady (one of the first female doctors in New York), wrote Lessons in Truth. This little book is a gem of empowered spirituality. Dr. Cady wrote:

We want a revelation of God in us as life … We no longer care to have somebody just tell us from the outside. We want a revelation of God as love within us, so that our whole being will be filled and thrilled with love – a love that will not have to be pumped up by determined effort because we know that it is right to love and wrong not to love, but a love that will flow with the spontaneity and fullness of an artesian well, because it is so full at the bottom that it must flow out.

Man, that’s so beautiful I wish I had written it!  I do indeed want it and sometimes, when I clear the inner clutter, I remember that I already have it.  Dr. Cady went on to point out that our desire to become more, to experience more creativity and success, is actually God’s desire to manifest more of Itself. She wrote, “Let us not at any time lose sight of the fact that our desire, great as it is, is only God’s desire in us.

So don’t shrink Violet. Don’t feel bad for desiring more of life. Drop the old dogmas and teachings of not-enoughness and powerlessness. Open your petals. Let your radiance show. Remember who and what You Are. You are a piece of God and absolutely essential to the fullness of Creation.

And if you’re facing challenges, what feel like limitations in your work, family, finances, health, whatever, just remember that as your outer world contracts you have a powerful opportunity to allow your inner world to expand beyond measure. I shared a bit about my own experience of this in my recent TEDx talk titled, “Who Do You Think You Are, Really?

Here’s to YOU and to LOVE like a deep and overflowing well!

Cylvia Hayes

 

#CylviaHayes  #ResilencyMuscles  #Empowerment

Got Fear? Answers Here (and Now)

Fear is one of our universally shared human experiences. We all deal with it. It’s also one of the most difficult emotions to cope with.

Fear likely originally developed as a survival mechanism to help alert us to a stalking saber-toothed tiger or some such. It’s still useful for getting us think twice about jumping off a cliff or driving like a wild woman.

However, in modern life most of our fear isn’t about physical survival. It’s about things like:

  • I don’t have enough money in my checking account.
  • What if he leaves me?
  • What if she disapproves of me?

Over the past few years, as I’ve been navigating so much uncertainty, I’ve faced all of the above in spades. It’s really been something of a doctoral program in fear management. And I’ve learned some really important things about fear and ways to move beyond it.

First, most of the chronic day to day fear we accept as the normal backdrop is not only toxic to our health but also TOTALLY UNNECESSARY!

In the first many, many weeks of life blowing up my fear was so extreme it was a tangible entity, a beast.

  • What was the latest news story saying?
  • What is going to happen with my work?
  • How could I survive this financially?
  • Was the person I loved most in the world going to leave me?

At times it was so intense that even my sweat smelled different, ranker than normal.

And guess what? None of that happened! Yes, it was horrific. Yes, I’m still facing challenges getting through all of it. But my career isn’t destroyed. John and I are still together. Actually our family is healthier than ever. And to this day not one person has been ugly to my face – all the nastiness has been anonymous or behind the protection of a computer screen or media institution.

This has been so mind-blowingly powerful. I have spent so much of my life in fear of some dreaded imagined future outcome and NONE of them ever happened! All the big stuff that hit – the blown knee, my sister’s death, the public character assassination, family members getting into rough spots – I hadn’t even seen those coming!

The truth is, other than real, in the moment survival, like a war zone or, “Oh shit there’s a rattlesnake!” most fear is totally unwarranted and a whole lot of it is driven by our desire for other people’s approval.

Mark Twain said, “I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles but most of them never happened.”

It’s worth considering what fears right now, are clenching your guts, keeping you up at night? And are they really necessary? And what are they stopping you from doing?

And, very importantly, WHAT THE HECK CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?!

The single most effective tool I’ve found for breaking free from chronic fear is learning to practice BEING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. The simple fact is unless we train ourselves differently, most of us spend the bulk of our lives focused on the past or the future, often in fear. Right now you may be facing a lot of unknowns, worry, angst. But ask yourself this, right now in this very moment are you basically OK? Are you right now, under direct attack? Do you have shelter and food? Are you breathing? If you have time to read this sentence your answer is almost certainly yes!

Practicing becoming aware of the present moment, over and over again, is a powerful tool for taking the reins back from fear and getting clear about which ones are just about some future imagined outcome (those you should just let go of) and which really merit action on your part. I guarantee that learning to do this on a regular basis will change your life for the better.

Here’s a simple exercise.

  • Sit down with feet firmly, comfortably on the floor
  • Just start noticing things with your five senses. The feel of the chair beneath you. The sounds. What do you see right in front of you above the computer screen? To your left? Right?
  • Take a deep breath. Is there a breeze? Is it still? Can you smell anything?
  • Touch the skin on the back of your hand. Notice the sensation.
  • If thoughts come in just bring your attention back to the things your senses are picking up in this one moment in time.
  • Find one thing in this moment and this setting that you feel grateful for.
  • Smile a little.
  • Rinse and Repeat as often as possible throughout the day even for just a few seconds.

The way to free yourself from unnecessary fear is in the PRESENT MOMENT, the Here and NOW.

To Peace, Fearlessness and Freedom!

Cylvia

P.S. I also highly recommend reading The Power of Now, by Eckert Tolle.

 

If you are interested in scheduling a session to find freedom from fear fill out the inquiry form here: https://www.cylviahayes.net/coaching/

#Empowerment #CylviaHayes #ResiliencyMuscles

Is Your Situation Really What You Think It Is?

Me doing talk with clunky broken leg boot!

I always believed I’d do a TED talk, but I never could have guessed it would be on the topic I wound up addressing and I certainly hadn’t envisioned being on stage in a CLUNKY BROKEN LEG BOOT!

Since my talk was about the power and liberation in learning to take back the reins from Ego’s smallness and fear, the clunky boot became part of the story because, although I didn’t see it at the time, I actually broke my leg doing something I wasn’t comfortable with in an attempt to impress someone.

However, there is another really powerful part of the story that I didn’t share in the talk that I want to share with you now. Warning, it is a little bit graphic.

One of the most powerful, life-changing new habits I’ve learned over the past few years is to pause before I judge or react to a situation. Sometimes this is little stuff, like when someone cancels an appointment at the last minute. My first reaction might be to get irritated and feel like they aren’t valuing my time. However, almost every time when I take a step back all it really means is that I have the luxury of a little unexpected freed up time.

Sometimes the situation is a much bigger deal. The recent broken leg is one of the most powerful examples I’ve experienced.

The horse scrambled up off of me. I was face down in the dirt. Even though totally disoriented I immediately sensed something was seriously damaged. I don’t even remember rolling over, sitting up and looking down at my legs. “Oh God, on no.” My left foot was bent out at a ghastly 90 degree angle and I could see where the shin bone was trying to poke through the skin just above the ankle.

This wasn’t my first rodeo with a serious orthopedic injury and I knew the pain was about to get really, really bad. I couldn’t believe I was seriously injured again!

My mind started down the path of, “Oh man, I can’t afford this. I can’t afford it financially, or the time off, or the disruption to everything I need to do.”

And then, using new tools honed over the past couple of years, I shifted. I made the choice not to judge. I opened up to, “Maybe there is a different way to look at this. Maybe this is happening for me and not just to me.”

Then I shifted further to, “What do I want the outcome of this to be?

  • I want to be able to walk again.
  • I want this to increase my spiritual awakening.
  • I want it to empower my work.
  • I want to have beautiful encounters with everyone I interact with in dealing with this.

And then the pain hit and there was no more thinking, just writhing, gasping, trying to keep breathing.

There’s a lot more to the whole story. Having the leg set in the emergency room and having that orthopedic surgeon say, “Wow. Oh my goodness,” when he saw the X-ray.  Being handed over to a “Trauma Expert” surgeon.  Having the trauma team use 12 screws and two plates to piece back together 20+ bone fragments. The terrible pain. Blah, blah, blah.

The BIGGER part of the story by far is the MIRACLES the situation delivered because of the lens I put on it. I had incredible care from ambulance, emergency room, surgeons, nurses, therapists – I had deep conversations with some of them. I opened up and asked for help (a big, new thing for me) and had dozens of people bring me food, run errands, even clean my house while I was healing. The insurance companies stepped up to cover far more of the costs than I had expected. I am healing weeks ahead of schedule. I had more down time to really work on my TED talk than I’d expected and, man oh man, I needed every minute!  And of course, as noted above I was even able to use the story and my broken leg boot to good effect in the talk.

There is huge power in learning to release our reactionary attitudinal grip on any situation. STAYING OPEN TO POSSIBLE POSITIVE OUTCOMES MAKES THOSE OUTCOMES POSSIBLE!  Read that one again.

My encouragement to you is to learn the art of taking a step back before judging any situation as good or bad. You have the awesome ability to disconnect your state of being from the circumstances swirling in your life.

If you’d like some help with this just let me know.

Happy weekend!

Cylvia

#CylviaHayes  #ResiliencyMuscles  #EmpowermentCoach

Are you using Confirmation Bias against yourself?

We’re hearing a lot these days about “Confirmation Bias” in our media choices. This is the tendency we have to only tune into (and be sent info from) media sources that are likely to confirm what we already believe. Because it is challenging for us to admit me might be wrong we gravitate toward messages that tell us we’re right (even if we actually are wrong!). This leads to a massive constriction in our worldview.

But there is an even more dangerous version of Confirmation Bias — and that is the tendency we have to keep believing our own limiting stories about ourselves and our world.

These stories we tell ourselves LITERALLY create our experiences in life. Take that in for a second. Your life reflects the stories you have accepted as truth.

This puts a whole new spin on “Who do you think you are?” Victim. Overcomer. Don’t really deserve. Not thin enough. Not smart enough. Not good enough. Unlucky. Happy. Gifted. Fortunate.

We also create the lens through which we view the world. Hard. Dangerous. Dog eat dog. If you believe life is hard and you have to fight your way through then you will do a lot of struggling. Believe me, I know all about this one!

If you believe most people can’t be trusted then you’ll see a lot of untrustworthy people. Due to my childhood I used to believe that, but when I got a little distance and looked deep, I realized by far most people I’ve encountered have been good and kind people. I am now continuously blown away by the beautiful, caring, generous people that come into my life.

It took me until my late 40’s to shift the belief that I was a survivor to the truth that I AM a thriver. Talk about a powerful life lens changer!

Confirmation bias in our media choices leads to a constricted worldview. Staying blind to the confirmation bias in our self-beliefs leads to emotional constriction and constriction of our true potential.

Your core beliefs and your constructed identity are like powerful magnets drawing to you experiences that confirm those beliefs. One of the most important self-empowerment strategies is to become aware of the stories you’ve been telling yourself about yourself and our world. This is your life. This is your story and you absolutely have the right to rewrite it!

Happy editing!

Cylvia

 

If you are interested in scheduling a session to work on core beliefs and rewriting your personal story fill out the inquiry form here: https://www.cylviahayes.net/coaching/

#Empowerment #CylviaHayes

Slaying the Giant of Limiting Beliefs

It may surprise you but I want to say thank you to the Oregonian newspaper. Without their 3½ years of ongoing attacks I would never have grown and deepened as I have, and am.

I truly would have been surprised if they hadn’t launched another one just on the eve of my TEDxBend talk. They did. And all it’s done is generate a flood of love and encouragement from friends and supporters all across the community. For that too I am grateful.

Someone just asked me if I felt like the Oregonian was my Goliath. I started to say yes and then realized that actually they were just a symptom of my real Goliath, and that is my (up until now) lifelong sense of not being good enough. That giant has caused me some real harm over the years. But in an amazing turn of events, the Oregonian’s nastiness has helped me find liberation. Now, each one of their attacks just becomes another stone in my sling helping me slay the giant of limiting self-beliefs.

As I’ll talk about on Saturday one of the huge upsides of these ongoing challenges has been learning that peace and empowerment is a choice and there are practical ways to grow our ability to stay above the battlefield and in joy despite the crap that might be swirling in the circumstances of day-to-day life.

What’s your Goliath? And what tools, however strangely or perversely disguised, can you use to bring him down?

Huge love to all of you for being there and showing kindness and support. I look forward to seeing a bunch of you this Saturday.

Love,

Cylvia

 

Write/ Re-write Your Own Story

Our lives are the result of the stories we tell ourselves. How we experience this life is absolutely driven by our core beliefs about ourselves, others and life in general. This becomes the lens through which we view everything we experience.

Do you believe you are smart? Not smart? Basically a good person? Lucky? Unlucky? Do you think most people are against you? Do you think most people are basically good?

THESE BELIEFS SHAPE YOUR EXPERIENCE of YOUR LIFE! And here’s the great news. The unexamined stories we tell ourselves are usually FAKE NEWS! And we can change our own stories.

Core beliefs often take root in our early years and around really intense experiences. They are often formed by the opinions and comments of the really influential (positive or negative) people in our lives – parents, siblings, lovers, teachers.

I’ll give you an example. My dad was a hugely powerful force in my life, in some beautiful and some really dark ways. I wanted his approval and praise. He praised me for being smart. He also praised me for being tough, for not crying, for being able to fight and win against boys. There is no question he loved me. He truly thought the nickname, “Worthless” was just in fun.

I’ve done a lot of core beliefs work over the years and I’ve always believed I was tough and resilient, a fighter. I’d always put those beliefs in the positive category.

And then, I started questioning. I remembered that many years ago, my dear late Godfather Whitney would often encourage me not to call myself tough. I didn’t get his discomfort then. Now I do.

My identifying with being “tough” kept me from really accepting help and grace. I took pride in being tough. Starting to question the value of this belief led me to a little bit of an existential crisis. So I dug a little deeper and realized the actual core belief was, “Life is hard, but by God I wasn’t going to let it beat me because I was tough and resilient!” Well guess what? I’ve created a life experience in which I’ve had to be!

So, lately I’m flipping the whole thing. I no longer want to fight my way through life – even though I know I can. I want to love my way through. I’m MOVING ON from tough. I am good, worthy, resourceFULL and have help and support everywhere I turn, which actually has been true my entire life.

Here’s a helpful tip. Take a look at your core beliefs. Pay special attention to those you feel a little uncertain about, the ones you’re not sure are positive or not – that’s the gold, the place to go deeper and get to the real core.

This is your growing edge. It is rich. You can flip every non-useful past story. You are the author of your own story, complete with edits.

Cylvia

#CylviaHayes #Empowerment