Love is Never Wrong

In three days I will be halfway across the country picking up my nephew as he is released from prison. I say nephew, but we’re actually more like mom and son at this point. We’ve been through a lot together. Twice before I tried to offer him a stable base, once when he was a little boy and once as a very damaged teenager but at those times neither of us had the maturity or depth to make it work. This time is different; he and I both have been through a good deal of refining fire and love has grown much stronger than fear or frustration.

At the beginning of 2018, knowing I had about a year to get ready to bring him into my home and help him launch the rest of his life, I set a goal to have the resources in place to do the very best for him. Last year didn’t go quite as planned on the financial front as the legal battle with the Oregonian dragged on and on and extra, unexpected expenses popped up and yet, I leave in three days with the resources I need.

It doesn’t look like I’d envisioned, with me making a ton of money, having a chunk in savings for my nephew and having the drain of legal battles being behind me, etc., but I have what I need to offer love and huge opportunity to this young man. My life partner has been unbelievably supportive, with his time, big-hearted acceptance and a sense of humor about the complication this is no doubt going to add to our lives. He even purchased our airline tickets. Bless you Beloved — truly, I am such a lucky woman. Friends have stepped up out of the blue with financial help, enthusiasm and offers of mentorship. My mom has been saving money for my nephew to purchase clothes. My spiritual community has held this journey and transition in prayer every single day for several weeks now.

It’s just amazing and more than any other experience in my life proves that we really are all in this life together. Whether we notice it or not we are all supported by a vast matrix of people who touch our lives in a million ways big and small. Everywhere I look in this situation I see where other people, even strangers, have supported us. Not just the obvious examples, but also the teacher who delivered the GED program at the prison and the voc-tech director and trainers who helped my nephew navigate through his electrician’s apprenticeship and even other inmates who were rooting for him and helping protect him as he neared his release date. Beauty sometimes shows up even in the darkest of places.

So many times these past few weeks I’d have a little stab of nervousness about the disruption of bringing this big guy into my little home and all the changes that will come with it. But each time that little flicker of fear would slither in, it was instantly replaced with the words, “Love is never wrong.” Over and over again those words ran through my mind. I don’t believe I’ve ever more genuinely just expressed and embodied love for another human being. The ripples go beyond our direct relationship and even beyond those still living.

A few years ago, as I was going through an extraordinarily challenging, traumatic time I was working with a therapist and was surprised to be having a lot of difficult, regretful memories and emotions around my late sister (my nephew’s mother). I found myself wishing I had been mature enough to be there for her when she slipped further and further into drugs, depression and despair and our family pulled away.   The therapist suggested I write a love letter to my sister and as I worked on that I realized the best love letter I could offer her was helping her son make it through the horrific ordeal of prison and launch a healthy life on the other side. “Sis, if you’re listening, and I believe you are, your boy is in good shape and he’s about to be safe and in a stable place with a really good job.  He is full of  hope, gratitude and promise.  I hope you are smiling.  I love and miss you. Thank you for all the kindness you showed me.”

I guess it’s fitting that I keep thinking of the movie, The Shawshank Redemption, and especially the scene near the very end where Red has finally gotten out of prison and is in a bus headed to Mexico to join his friend Andy. Red says, “I find I am so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head.” Red felt that way from finally realizing freedom. I’m feeling that way in anticipation of witnessing a loved one leave a horrible situation and finally land in a safe place where he can spread his wings and soar.

I didn’t consciously choose it, and I couldn’t see the full pattern of it until very recently, but my nephew and I are on a sacred journey together and if you’re reading this I guess in some small way you’ve joined the adventure.  I share this in part just to express my excitement but also, hopefully, to provide a little inspiration to those of you who may be having a hard time, struggling, and who may feel like the circumstances swirling through your life are keeping you imprisoned. I know how hard that is and I also know no storm lasts forever.   We are always swimming in a matrix of support, new opportunities are endless and freedom really is a choice. And, maybe most importantly, genuine love is never wrong.

We really are all in this together. Thanks for being part of this journey. Stay tuned and YIKES!!

Love,

Cylvia

You’re Invited to Your Own Power!

Are you wanting more from your life? Looking to hit the reset button after life took a hard turn you hadn’t seen coming? Do you want to start or grow a mission-driven business? Do you want to get unstuck, period?

Then I invite you to join me at my upcoming reinvention and empowerment workshop. This is not your typical self-help workshop. Most personal development stuff is about trying to improve yourself, get rid of aspects you don’t like, overcome shortcomings. The problem is, that’s a scarcity-based approach and it just reinforces the message that you’re not good enough! It’s exactly the opposite of what we need to achieve more peace, power and success in our lives.

I learned this the hard way. I know exactly what it’s like to have life as you know it blow to pieces and find yourself reinventing career, relationships and even your basic personal identity at a time you never thought you’d need to. Several years ago, my career and life had reached heights I hadn’t dreamed of and then it all blew apart in a spectacular, public, “fall from grace”. I lost my business and ninety-percent of people I’d called friends or colleagues and, faced with all the legal challenges, I had to file bankruptcy.

At first I was terrified that my life might be broken beyond repair. For once I couldn’t just force my way forward and so, out of pure survival, I decided to treat it as an unasked for sabbatical. For the first time I truly surrendered and faced myself from the inside out and through that epic journey I realized up to that point I’d never really known myself at all, I had never before met my authentic Self.

For four years, as the legal challenges dragged on, I followed a path of study, reflection, growth and reinvention. I got certified as a life coach, completed the first chunk of ministerial school, and received training from numerous beautiful wisdom teachers. I realized that my whole life I’d been seeking power and success from outside sources – the approval of others, the way my business looked, even from the political arena — but the refining fires of life blowing to shreds burned away the BS that had been blocking me from my True Self and genuine power.

I developed a program that not only helped me heal but transformed my life in beautiful ways I never could have foreseen. I am now, happier, more peaceful, more successful and making a bigger positive difference than ever before. I radically reshaped my business because I knew I had to harness the trauma I’d been through and share the empowerment tools, strategies and insights I’d learned so that I could help more people make a bigger positive impact for themselves and our world.

I am deeply committed to helping others rediscover their authentic Selves, reclaim personal power and create lives and businesses that help heal our world. My empowered reinvention workshops are one way I do that and I would love to see you in the next one coming up Feb. 2nd.

In this workshop you’ll learn tried and true strategies to uncover your innate ability to:

  • Transform fear into clarity and a sense of empowerment
  • Find peace no matter what’s swirling in the circumstances of life
  • Embrace the awesome creative power of change and uncertainty
  • Find forgiveness, even of self
  • Develop a sense of genuine self-worth and safety

And the biggest outcome is learning to remember your own divine magnificence and get out of your own bad-ass True Self way!  

The path to power isn’t about looking outside for answers and authorities, trying to “fix” yourself, fill up places you perceive as empty, or even “attract” desirable things. The power is in remembering who you really are.

Let’s do that together February 2nd! Let’s make 2019 the best year of your life so far!

For more info and to register go to www.cylviahayes.net (go to Store tab and you will see the link there)

Here’s what some people had to say about the last workshop.

“It was a wonderful day …. I loved being a participant … your cloud of magical learning and how profound your teachings are. In gratitude for your sharing of your authentic self. – Tam

Thank you for the wonderful experience. It was truly fantastic, and really beneficial to me.  I’m definitely at a crossroads in my life, and a lot of things are up in the air.  I’m in need of finding the path that’s right for me, and in the process, am definitely working through a lot. Our class was right in line with that, and helped me immensely … Again, I thank you for this. – Maggie

You Wow’d me … workshop was amazing!I learned why I have been so withdrawn and lacking motivation. I also learned to get free of limiting thoughts, quit being so hard on myself, and embrace my new beautiful life even more. I so appreciate your workshop. – LD Sullivan

Designing the life you want isn’t about becoming more or better, it’s about remembering who you really are to begin with.  Remembering your True Self enables you to master your emotions, step out of suffering and into the life you really want – no matter the circumstances you’re facing right this moment.

True power is not outside of you and you are already magnificent, powerful and completely capable.

Date: February 2, 10am to 3pm

Location:  Unity Community at One World Center, Bend Oregon 

Register at: www.cylviahayes.net (go to Store tab and you will see the link there)

Before You Launch!

The last day of the year! I don’t know about you, but I am more than ready to see 2018 in the rearview window! However before just saying “Buh bye 2018!” it’s really useful to take a little time to reflect what the year delivered.

These past 12 months have likely produced some beautiful moments as well as same challenges and setbacks. Taking a step back and looking a bit more holistically can offer up some hidden pearls of wisdom and insight.

Before fully launching into the new year I encourage you to spend some time asking,

  • What was the accomplishment, event, undertaking you are most proud of?
  • What was a mistake that provided a powerful lesson-learned?
  • What are you willing to shed, let go of, get rid of, in order to accomplish what you want to do next?

It is really important to WRITE DOWN your answers. The act of writing, even just bullet points, empowers the insight and change you’re after.

My own answers to these questions surprised me. At first, I thought my biggest accomplishment was finishing the first full draft of my book, but going a little deeper I realized the real accomplishment was staying the course. What I mean is that I completed the big projects I had committed to – the book, developing the online infrastructure for my new business, rolling out my new trainings and growing the Empowerment Coaching services – and I did all of that while staying true to my inner growth, meditation and spiritual practices.

What are your accomplishments, creations, major undertakings of 2018? It might be on the professional or personal level. Write down every single one that comes to and take a moment to celebrate all you accomplished. Then see if one or two really jump out.

My lesson-learned mistake was painful. I got burned from a business associate I had considered a friend and lost several thousand dollars in the process. The lesson is I KNEW BETTER! My inner wisdom was shouting, “This person is unreliable – don’t do it!” I ignored that inner voice and my own depth of integrity and made a move I shouldn’t have. In my whole career I’ve only had a couple of times where a client or partner wound up being a problem and EVERY SINGLE TIME I ignored the inner warning flags that were trying to wave my off. No more, I vow to never again ignore that inner voice of wisdom – lesson learned!

What mistake did you make this past year that you can use to learn and grow?

And then we come to the part about releasing the stuff that’s no longer serving us. This can be old projects on your DO list that you really don’t care about anymore, or old habits that keep you from being your best or even old stories you tell yourself about yourself.

My commitment is to release my tendency to compare my life, my work, my self with anyone else so that I step even more fully into the unique niche I have to play in our beautiful world.

What are you willing to release to take your life and work to a whole new level?

Spending a little time with these three questions is so worth it, and so are you!

Here’s to a happy end of the year just passing and to a massively powerful launch into 2019!

Cylvia

I AM Gratitude

Today I Am steeped in deep gratitude for who I Am, just exactly as I Am.  

I Am giving thanks for my life, exactly as it is, where it is, in Divine Order.

I Am giving thanks to Spirit, from Spirit, in advance, for the next growth and changes I desire, for the next beautiful unfoldings in my life and our world.

Comparison, envy, fear and unforgiveness I release to the Universe to be cleansed and corrected. Because I Am incomparable, a stream of individualized expression of God. So are you.

I Am grateful.

I Am gratitude.

I Am.

And so are You.

World Day of Prayer

September 13th is Unity World Day of Prayer. One of the many things I love about Unity is its empowering approach to prayer. Instead of beseeching help from a separate, “out-there” God, Unity practices affirmative prayer, claiming the outcome we want as already being truth. For example instead of asking for healing from an illness we affirm the health and wholeness that is our natural state. Instead of asking for more money, we affirm our place in the flow of infinite abundance where all our needs are met with ease and grace.

This type of prayer is not so much asking something of God or placing an affirmation in our mind as it is lifting our eyes above the appearance of limitation or lack. It’s about cleansing our mind and releasing its inherent power.

In affirmative prayer we enter into conscious remembrance of our Oneness with Source and of our Divine Nature. In a Letter to Adam, Sue Sikking writes, “True prayer is not asking for things, not even the best of things. Prayer is the lifting of the consciousness to the place where these things are.”

Prayer, like meditation, is even more powerful when two or more gather together with shared intention. During this World Day of Prayer for twenty-four hours people across the globe will be joining together activating the inherent power of mind to create good in our lives and world.

Together, we lift our consciousness to the place of peace and wholeness, which is our natural state. Let us all begin to hear the ancient familiar melody reminding us who we really are in full glory and goodness. The love that we are, the only thing that is real, pours forth with such fullness it leaves no room for anything else. Healing dances into every corner of creation. A song of peace echoes through the world with every choice we make. We affirm the Kingdom of Heaven is here now. And so it is. Amen.

Unity World Day of Prayer.

Namaste,

Cylvia

Don’t be Limited by Noisy Relationships

I recently made the painful decision to pull away from someone who has been one of my closest friends. This person did something extremely dishonest and unloving and, although the love is still there, the trust is gone. Even though I miss the friendship I know this is the right decision.

The whole situation proves, once again, that relationships are our most profound classrooms. Now that I’ve gained some distance I can see what a terribly noisy relationship this was. What I mean by that is that this person always has a lot of drama swirling around her and, against my norm, I allowed myself to get wrapped up in it. The uncomfortable truth is that she fed my ego and vice versa. I have no doubt that there is genuine love between us, but there is also no doubt that out relationship wasn’t completely healthy. I knew I was acting unwisely when I put myself into a position of dependency on her but I did it anyway. And I paid for it. And it hurt in more ways than one.

Now that the noise has quieted the most amazing thing is happening. Into that void is flowing the voice of Spirit. I am hearing my own Higher Self, far more directly and more often. The plain truth is no other person can ever fill our need to develop a deep, honest relationship with ourselves.

Noisy, co-dependent relationships keep us identified with voices and opinions of ourselves that are not really ours. They are just an attempt by our small, ego self to distract us from our True Self, in all it’s magnificence.

Today, I respect myself enough to prioritize my inner relationship. Today I am listening to, and valuing, me.

I am worthy of developing my whole self.

I am worthy.

Cylvia Hayes

#CylviaHayes  #Empowerment #ResiliencyMuscles

 

Unplugging into the Now

One of the visitors to my campsite. Angels anyone?

I celebrated my birthday last week with our annual raft trip down the Wild and Scenic section of the Rogue River. Four solid days with no cell phone, emails, TV, radio or motors of any kind. Just flowing water, wild critters, dear friends, decent food, good beer and my journal.

There is no more calming, grounding therapy than getting unplugged from devices, and so-called news and plugging into Nature. Feeling the warm earth under my feet, rocking on the water surrounded by, immersed in, flow and cascading river song. At night, the brilliant display of truly dark skies pin holed by a billion bright cosmic lights.

There is a beautiful practice in A Course in Miracles known as the Holy Instant.

Loving my chaise lounge camping chair after a day of rowing rapids!

This is becoming fully present in the now, releasing any notion of past or future. In that space we remember who we really are, spiritual beings, at one with, an extension of, the Creator, Source. Touching that place, the Truth behind the illusions we regularly plug into, is one of this life’s most beautiful experiences.

I’ve stopped being surprised, but haven’t stopped being saddened, by how many of my clients, my fellow advocates, activists and social entrepreneurs, get so caught up working to protect the planet and change the world that they fail to get out there and actually experience it!

By the time I emerged from wilderness I was excited to reengage with business and life’s busyness, with texts and emails and errands. I’m happy to note that a little bigger piece of now is with me in the process.

So, friends, if you are feeling stressed, or sad, overwhelmed or worried, leave the devices behind and go get a hug from Mother Earth. She’s there for you whether deep in wilderness or at the corner park. Breathe her in. Listen. Remember you are an extension of God, ever supported by the spiritual substance from which you were created.

Unplug. Choose a different outlet. Plug into the present moment. Remember who you are.

One of my favorite campsites on the rogue River.

Namaste,

Cylvia

 

P.S. I just added A Course in Miracles coaching package to my store.

Also, this fall I’ll be offering a group Course in Miracles teleconference class. Please let me know if you might be interested in being part of it. I love sharing this life-changing set of teachings with friends and colleagues. I would love to share it with you.

#CylviaHayes  #Empowerment  #ResiliencyMuscles #ChangeMaker

Are you using Confirmation Bias against yourself?

We’re hearing a lot these days about “Confirmation Bias” in our media choices. This is the tendency we have to only tune into (and be sent info from) media sources that are likely to confirm what we already believe. Because it is challenging for us to admit me might be wrong we gravitate toward messages that tell us we’re right (even if we actually are wrong!). This leads to a massive constriction in our worldview.

But there is an even more dangerous version of Confirmation Bias — and that is the tendency we have to keep believing our own limiting stories about ourselves and our world.

These stories we tell ourselves LITERALLY create our experiences in life. Take that in for a second. Your life reflects the stories you have accepted as truth.

This puts a whole new spin on “Who do you think you are?” Victim. Overcomer. Don’t really deserve. Not thin enough. Not smart enough. Not good enough. Unlucky. Happy. Gifted. Fortunate.

We also create the lens through which we view the world. Hard. Dangerous. Dog eat dog. If you believe life is hard and you have to fight your way through then you will do a lot of struggling. Believe me, I know all about this one!

If you believe most people can’t be trusted then you’ll see a lot of untrustworthy people. Due to my childhood I used to believe that, but when I got a little distance and looked deep, I realized by far most people I’ve encountered have been good and kind people. I am now continuously blown away by the beautiful, caring, generous people that come into my life.

It took me until my late 40’s to shift the belief that I was a survivor to the truth that I AM a thriver. Talk about a powerful life lens changer!

Confirmation bias in our media choices leads to a constricted worldview. Staying blind to the confirmation bias in our self-beliefs leads to emotional constriction and constriction of our true potential.

Your core beliefs and your constructed identity are like powerful magnets drawing to you experiences that confirm those beliefs. One of the most important self-empowerment strategies is to become aware of the stories you’ve been telling yourself about yourself and our world. This is your life. This is your story and you absolutely have the right to rewrite it!

Happy editing!

Cylvia

 

If you are interested in scheduling a session to work on core beliefs and rewriting your personal story fill out the inquiry form here: https://www.cylviahayes.net/coaching/

#Empowerment #CylviaHayes

Slaying the Giant of Limiting Beliefs

It may surprise you but I want to say thank you to the Oregonian newspaper. Without their 3½ years of ongoing attacks I would never have grown and deepened as I have, and am.

I truly would have been surprised if they hadn’t launched another one just on the eve of my TEDxBend talk. They did. And all it’s done is generate a flood of love and encouragement from friends and supporters all across the community. For that too I am grateful.

Someone just asked me if I felt like the Oregonian was my Goliath. I started to say yes and then realized that actually they were just a symptom of my real Goliath, and that is my (up until now) lifelong sense of not being good enough. That giant has caused me some real harm over the years. But in an amazing turn of events, the Oregonian’s nastiness has helped me find liberation. Now, each one of their attacks just becomes another stone in my sling helping me slay the giant of limiting self-beliefs.

As I’ll talk about on Saturday one of the huge upsides of these ongoing challenges has been learning that peace and empowerment is a choice and there are practical ways to grow our ability to stay above the battlefield and in joy despite the crap that might be swirling in the circumstances of day-to-day life.

What’s your Goliath? And what tools, however strangely or perversely disguised, can you use to bring him down?

Huge love to all of you for being there and showing kindness and support. I look forward to seeing a bunch of you this Saturday.

Love,

Cylvia