I am finding that during periods of sort of chronic, intense, prolonged challenge it is during the flare-ups, the acute episodes of crap that we can see how much we’ve grown!
It is now twenty months (almost two years!!) that I have been dealing with the corporate media agenda-driven character assassination. Not in a million years would I have seen it coming. And not in two million would I have believed it could go on this long.
It’s surreal to be in a place where battling the major media outlet in the state and never knowing what the next bit of misinformation about me will be spread around has become just the normal back drop of my life, and yet, in the midst of it, I am happy, hopeful and peaceful most of the time. That kind of amazes me.
But every once in awhile in a long, drawn out ordeal, some new twist, a flare up, kicks me in the gut, hits its mark and buckles my knees. That happened on Wednesday when I learned that a judge, with her own political interests, had ruled that I would have to pay the legal fees of the dishonest media outlet that had been the source of much of the misinformation about me. The amount of the legal fees are more than I owe for my house.
For the first little while I actually couldn’t believe it because the whole premise was so absurd that I was sure the ruling would go in the other direction. But then the sense of loss and being so small against the challenge, the attackers and the system settled in.
I came within a hair’s breadth of succumbing to a dirty bathrobe on the couch day drinking beer binge-watching TV – basically collapsing and numbing out. But just as my hand reached for the TV remote control I had a thought – “Maybe this was actually the very best thing that could happen? Maybe this ongoing challenge and the obvious piling on by this very questionable news outlet would be the avenue through which I could help us get to healthier and more honest media and political systems? Maybe I was exactly where I needed to be to do the most good.”
My mood instantly shifted and, even though the entire rest of the day was consumed by dealing with this flare up, I didn’t resist it. I kept breathing deeply and stayed focused on the truth that I had no way of knowing the good that could come from this seeming problem.
Twenty months ago, when my life seemed to be flowing along smoothly, there is no question that if this flare up had hit me I would have picked up the TV remote control and never gotten out of my bathrobe.
I’m beginning to see that something is only a setback if we choose to see it as one.
Just incredible the treasures we can find buried in the crap. I mean just think about what’s in the fertilizer that helps our gardens grow. Here’s to harnessing adversity to fertilize our souls!
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7 thoughts on “Treasures in the Crap!”
As a recovering alcoholic, I can identify with facing hardships and just isolating with copious amounts of alcohol. Now I still face what at times feel like impossible issues. I rely on friends who support me and realize alcohol will just make things worse. I refuse to read that paper because I just don’t trust their so called jounalism.
Love this post Cylvia. Keep the positive attitude going and right will prevail.
Thanks so much Martha.
This is the real tool to reflect your painful ordeals and afflictions. I wish God would help you generously to surmount all these pains and afflictions.
Cylvia, dear Heart, My OUTRAGE has returned, though it had never left. I just wrapped it in a dirty bathrobe and grabbed the remote. Apathy is easy for me. “What can I do? I’m nobody. I’m a cleaning lady. Who would care what I wrote? What on earth would someone like me have to say that would change anything?”
However, in 2010 I created a job for myself and I’m sticking to it. I became The Governor’s Cleaning Lady and Cook. The campaign headquarters was my training ground. I saw great government in action with the reelection of John. Then I wrote letters; “Letters to John from the Trenches” was a project I began a few months into his term. He set up a way for me to send them to him through the email of one of his staff. I’m sure he did not receive the letters. Someday I’ll tell you about a dream I had about all of this. About that time my personal “trench” became too deep for me to be effective. I could only take care of myself. Lately, I have enjoyed a bit of my role on your and John’s Facebook timeline; stirring the pot and taking out the garbage.
Cylvia, It is very important to my well being and sense of who I am in the world for me to stay in touch with you and The Governor. You were a great First Lady and still are to all those who know and love you. When I align my energy to you two lovely renegades I am happy; life has meaning for me; I feel my passion rising….
Yes, you and John are the “sacrificial lambs” for this evil that has penetrated our political system. It must be brought to light how the mainstream media has become the strongest power on the planet. I feel it controls everything we try to do as a society. I feel the majority of people have become “media heads”, spouting out information and opinions, word for word, from the reporters who spew it all into their little brains each and every day, from their tv’s, daily newspapers and radio.
“Turn it on, it’s there, it must be true.” “Look how many reporters are on this story! It must be true.” “I’m sure they investigated everything.” “Oh, yes. Reporters know how to investigate. They are highly trained people with great ethics. They are professionals! Everything they say must be true.” “Oh, for sure! The editors watch over them.” This is a conversation between some ordinary folks who really don’t have time in their busy lives to do some investigating on their own.
Well, that’s how it goes.
Find your personal guidance, dear Cylvia. Peace will follow.
I’ll continue to write to you. Your blog is quite inspiring. Soon.
Always your friend,
Greetings Doll, I was just thinking of you today. I hope you are doing very, very well and I very much appreciate your support.
Call on me anytime….I’ll be there for you. dw