Being Deserving

In the self-help and personal development realm there are reams of info on the challenge of feeling like we aren’t good enough. I’ve read a lot of it and even written some of it but there’s a subtle yet very important distinction between “not good enough” and “not deserving goodness”.

I used to believe that one of my most challenging core issues was a sense of not being good enough. I was wrong. I know I’m really good at a lot of things, from writing and speaking, to supporting loved ones, to training my dog and rowing a raft through rapids. I’ve always known I was pretty darned good at many things.

I’ve lived an unconventional life. It’s been a rich ride already and I’ve been able to do and see some incredible things. But in the process I’ve made some choices and taken some actions that have had big painful consequences. And this life I’m living has also had a lot of uncertainty, adversity and upheaval. Recently I became aware of a thread of doubt that’s been playing, under my surface, for decades. It was a troubled, guilty feeling that no matter how good I was I didn’t really deserve the success I aspired to. I feared things had happened to me and I had made consequential choices that might not be surmountable. Maybe I’d screwed up once too many times. Maybe I’d really blown it by not taking some secure job years ago. Maybe I hadn’t sacrificed enough or the right things to deserve success.

I’ve had, and lost, a lot of accomplishments, accolades and positions. None of it, neither the having nor the losing, actually touched my subconscious sense of not deserving full-on success.  I’ve learned that no one outside ourselves can convince us we are worthy. That’s an inside job.

Being deserving isn’t about doing; it’s about being. Overcoming a sense of unworthiness doesn’t involve another promotion or award; it involves remembering who we really are beyond the human thicknesses of bodies, beliefs, regrets and comparison.

There is a deeper truth that each of us are far more, and far more beautiful and magnificent, than what shows up in these human forms. Our human aspects, like lightning, are illusions. It looks like the bolt of lightning comes down from the sky and smashes the tree. The truth is there is a little invisible leader bolt of energy that reaches down from sky to touch tree and when it does a tremendous flow of Earth’s energy courses up through the tree and the tiny bolt to pulse and crackle across an illumined sky.

We have the courage to take on this challenging human experience as part, but only part, of our evolution as spiritual beings. At the core we are so much more and absolutely deserving of all the goodness that lay before us. The universe knows that even if we don’t yet.

It’s not about Being Worthy; it’s about remembering we are Worthy just by Being.  Open up to remembering You.

Cylvia Hayes

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